Your love story, your ceremony.
Posted in Planning, Finance & Legal by Sarah Nash
MAKE YOUR “I DO’S” A REFLECTION OF YOU
Imagine your wedding day as a maypole (stick with me, it’ll make sense shortly). All the elements that form part of it - the flowers, the food, the music, the cake, the speeches, the party - are magnificent ribbons that dance around, catching the light. If your wedding day is a maypole, your ceremony is the wooden pole, the central pillar at the heart of everything.
Traditionally, a ceremony has followed a certain script, hitting the important notes of the walk down the aisle (as everyone’s hearts become glow-worms in their chests), a welcome, readings, the vows, an exchange of rings, the kiss (always the kiss!), the “I now pronounce you...”, and the walk back down the aisle, hand in newly ringed hand.
Here’s the exhilarating thing, though: this is just a guide. While marriage is an ancient tradition, and there’s something profound and beautiful about being part of a sacred ritual that so many people have chosen before you, each marriage is as unique as the people within it. Your ceremony can be a reflection of who you are - as individuals, as a couple.
Here are our tips to help plan a ceremony that feels like “you”.
1. Who will hold your day?
Book your marriage officer as soon as possible once you’ve confirmed your date and venue to make sure that you find someone who feels like the right fit for you. Talk to them about how you’d like the day to feel, your journey as a couple, the kind of life you want to build together, and how you’d like that to be reflected in the ceremony.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
A growing trend that we’re seeing is couples choosing to ask a friend or family member to officiate their big day to make it even more personal. If you go this route, make sure you reach out to a registered marriage officer to make sure that all the legal requirements are taken care of before your ceremony, and all the correct documents are filed at Home Affairs.
Need help creating your wedding ceremony and vows? Sarah from Something True can help!
2. Setting the scene
Once you know where your ceremony will take place, pin down the details:
• Is there enough space for the couple, bridal party, photographer and videographer to move around?
• If your ceremony includes a musician or DJ, where do you want them to be and will they have access to power?
• Are you reserving seats for parents, grandparents or the bridal party? Ask someone who knows these guests to guide them to their allocated spots.
• If you’re doing the legal stuff on the day, make sure there’s a table large enough for signing the register.
• Is your ceremony outside? Make sure you have a plan B in case the weather doesn’t get the memo.
3. Timing is everything
Your ceremony should be long enough to feel like it encapsulates your love story, but short enough to hold the attention of your guests. The sweet spot? Between 30 to 40 minutes.
4. Phones down, hearts open
If you don’t want people to experience your ceremony through their screens, have your officiant kindly ask people to put their phones away before it begins, noting that the official photographer will capture the magic so they don’t have to.
5. Make it your own
Don’t be afraid to hold all the usual elements of a ceremony up to the light and decide if they feel right to you, and if not, do something different. Talk to your officiant about weaving your love story into the ceremony so that it’s a real reflection of your partnership and values. Include rituals that resonate. Choose music that means something to you.
6. Personal promises
If you decide to write your own vows (one of the most beautiful gifts you can give your partner!) decide on a format together so that they aren’t wildly different. One approach is to workshop a few joint promises together based on values most important to your partnership, and then write separate appreciations which are a surprise for one another on the day.
7. The legal stuff
Less romantic, no less important! Your marriage officer will complete the marriage register, which will be signed and witnessed on the day, issue you with a handwritten SA marriage certificate and will then register your marriage with Home Affairs. Alternatively, if a friend or family member is marrying you, you can do the legal stuff separately and make that its own moment.
As you begin to select all the shiny ribbons of your big day, enjoy spending time thinking about the beautiful wooden pole you’re tethering them to - the heart of your day, the culmination of the journey you’ve travelled together thus far, and the start of everything to come.