Five ways to make your wedding ceremony feel like “YOU”
Posted in Industry News by Sarah Nash
When I think about marriage as the ancient ritual that it is, I like to imagine all the people on all the days through all the decades who have stood hand in hand, making their promises, like a never-ending double exposure, one image superimposed over the next.
There’s something beautiful about entering into a tradition this age-old, but here’s the thing. No matter how many people have done it before you, your marriage will be unique – because there’s no one like you. There’s no one like your partner. And there’s no partnership quite like the one that you create together.
What I love about weddings these days is that there’s more and more room for your ceremony to reflect the uniqueness of your bond, to honour the road you’ve walked together, and the one stretching before you.
Here are five ways to personalise your wedding ceremony so that it feels authentic and real and… “you”.
1) Incorporate rituals that resonate
There are so many beautiful rituals you can weave into your ceremony to make it feel specific to you as a couple. Whether you combine soil from places that mean something to you both to plant a tree, pass your rings around for all the important people in your lives to imbue with love, or even create an entirely new ritual that signifies something important in your partnership, combining thoughtful words with a symbolic physical gesture is a lovely way to bring something tangible and grounding into your ceremony.
I wrote a ceremony script for a couple recently who chose to have a lasso ritual. Just before their vows, their mothers placed a long garland around their shoulders in an infinity symbol. For this couple, it was a meaningful, physical binding, representing not only their shared love, but also their individuality within that partnership, as each of them stood in the two distinct shapes that make up the infinity symbol to make their promises.
2) Tell your love story
If you think about the wedding ceremonies that you’ve found the most moving, odds are that they were the most personal, where you felt connected to the couple and learned something about their story (there’s always something to learn, even if you know people well!). One of my favourite ways to personalise your ceremony is to have your officiant ask you both a question about your love story, like: “Tell us about the moment when you knew that this was your person.”
What I love about this is that your answers can be a surprise for one another on the day.
We did this at our own wedding and my husband and I chose moments from such different points in our relationship, which I loved! His answer included something that I had never known too, which was so romantic.
3) Make readings personal
Asking a close friend or family member to do a reading - or even a musical performance - isn’t a new idea. But if you decide to, I always think it’s so much more meaningful when the officiant or the person doing the reading explains why it’s important to you. How does it fit into your story?
One of the first couples I worked with asked the bride’s mom to read the same bible verse that was read at her own wedding – an invisible string running back in time through the decades. Another couple wanted to acknowledge the way that their two dogs (they had one each when they met) were part of their love story, how they got to know each other as their parents did, becoming a little blended family. The bride’s mom read Taylor Mali’s poem, Falling In Love Is Like Owning A Dog, which (obviously) came with the blessing of the dogs, who were, of course, at the ceremony.
4) Write your own vows, in your own way
I don’t know if there’s a greater gift you can give your partner on your wedding day than standing up in front of all your most important people and telling them why, in a world full of people, you chose them. Why you adore them. How their love makes you feel. I help people do this for a living and I still get goosebumps when I think about it.
Writing your own vows can feel a bit daunting, but I find it makes it easier when you agree on the format together, deciding on guidelines that help focus your thoughts and ideas when it comes to the actual writing.
My top tip? Give yourself plenty of time to think about what you want to say, and plenty of time to put it into words.
5) Ask a friend or family member to officiate
This is a trend we’re seeing more and more, and I totally understand why! Having someone who has witnessed your love story unfold over the years hold your ceremony adds a whole extra personal layer to it. When I write scripts for people who have been asked to officiate weddings of people close to them, it never fails to move me hearing the couple’s love story through the lens of their love. The way that they could tell this was different when their friend/sister/son said, “So, I’ve met someone…” (honestly, I just gave myself chills typing that, thinking about the conversations I’ve had!).
If you do decide to go this route, my tips are:
- Tell your “officiant” exactly what you want out of the ceremony – it’s a daunting task for them so it’s helpful if you give them a bit of a roadmap.
- Reach out to a registered marriage officer to make sure that the legal side of things is totally taken care of, separately, and make that its own beautiful moment.
As you start to think about everything you want your ceremony to be, don’t be afraid to hold all the traditional elements up to the light, and decide what feels right for you, and what doesn’t. You have more freedom than you might think in designing a ceremony that is a perfect encapsulation of who you both are and the unique contract you are building based on the life you choose to create, together.
If you would like to book a consultation with Sarah to help craft your vows, ceremony script or wedding speeches, you can email her at hello@somethingtrue.co.za or visit her website www.somethingtrue.co.za.
Main Photo:
Photographer: The Keepers Media
Venue: Karkloof Safari Spa
Dress: Bespoke by Maryke
Jewellery: Kelly Jay Jewellery
Hair: Hair by Nikki
Makeup: Chantelle Van Wyk Aesthetics
Flowers and Décor: Weddings & Functions By Jackie
Vision and Coordination: Kirstenvale Weddings